Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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