She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't deserve a penis
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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