i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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