So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
