just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
