Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
