i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
