wat bout pragnant strippers??
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
