I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
