i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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