i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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