Your dad touched me again.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
