decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
