I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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