Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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