so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
