You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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