I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
