My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
