Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You made out with two different species that night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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