Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
