Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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