Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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