she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
