I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
