I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
