this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
