How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I smell stomach acid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am naked and annoyed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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