3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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