The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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