Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
