Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
