Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
