dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
