whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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