I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
