I faked an abortion last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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