We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
