I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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