Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
