I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize