So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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