apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Four minutes until I can fart!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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