At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
