I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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