i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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