The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got inside last night via doggy door
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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