found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
