Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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