Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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