I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
