I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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