Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
