halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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