Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
