you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
