so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
