I feel like abortions should bother me more
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
