kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
