Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
