I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm having to shit out rocks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
