Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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