Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize