you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
