Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
