My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
