He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
third nipple confirmed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
