Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
