The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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