we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
