Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize